Reflection

I haven’t posted on this blog for a long time as many of you may know, I’m not sure if any of my old readers from various places still check on the blog from time to doubt and I doubt it but here I will be posting my views, beliefs and perceptions from the world.

The first thing that has got me back into a post is love, its my trigger, it’s the thing that cuts deep into me no matter how strong it is, it always leaves me wandering how I got myself into the situation in the first place, internet dating? Wearing my heart on my sleeve? Getting attached too quickly? I honestly don’t know and even after long periods of meditation I can’t figure out why certain situations lead to so much suffering for me.

I know these things are certain, I do ultimately put myself in a position with the potential to get hurt, I do trust society too much to perceive certain people as being able to ignore the superficiality of the world, but the sad fact is, is that too many people in the world are conditioned with superficial views, they may not be aware of these things and it can take a very motivated and reflective person to be able to reflect on themselves and see the root cause of this problem and rout it out, but of course this is only my point of view.

For those of you who would like to work towards being more content with your life try listening to http://www.bswa.org/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?cid=4&lid=131 and see if it works for you, I myself have much trouble being content with live because like everyone I am not perfect, I want more meaning in life, I want so much more purpose but yet it can be so hard to find sometimes.

Without going into specifics I will go into detail about what has happened recently that has caused me to reflect on myself, you see I tend to always try to find some way of improving my life when things go wrong.

I met a girl, of course since my last post I have met many girls, and I just haven’t been able to relate to them in the same way I could this girl. This girl, I spoke with her on the phone many times for hours on end and I hadn’t met her, we could hold a conversation about things which you couldn’t usually develop a discussion out of in the everyday conversation. Things about life, love etc, it also seemed we had so much in common, this awesome girl couldn’t wait to meet me and it built up, we met, and that was it, I still felt the same way about her as I first did but she didn’t feel the same about me, of course this should have been expected, the one quam I have with myself is that I let myself get to emotionally and mentally attached, I thought hey this could work, as it turned out there were some views that even this great girl might not of known she held and that I still don’t know what they were that caused her to not be so *into* me anymore, I’m not going to make any kind of example of her but you can see from this wonderful but painful example, ultimately wearing your heart on your sleeve causes suffering.

On a personal note, I feel lost because this is the first time I have met someone who is so much alike me mentally and even some what spiritually that I was able to relate to on this level, it truly is hard sometimes when these things happen and pass us by but life is difficult and we have to find the good in what happens to us no matter hard it is, life is a learning experience.

Let’s reiterate on something important from the path of Buddhism, the four noble truths:

1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

You see this is great, it’s so blunt and in my eyes so true, my only problem is I don’t want to be totally detached from the world, I want a partner, I want to find a profession that helps people, this is my problem and I just can’t seem to find a way to work myself around it.

At this very moment in time I’m utterly confused, I don’t know what I want, what I want to do, I need to get out and enjoy life more.

As some of you may or may not know I’m and IT guy, I’ve always been into the challenge of learning things new and IT has seemed to be that profession, programming to be specific, but lets look at what’s wrong with that view, doing IT, doing something because its what I want doesn’t really achieve anything on a greater scale its just me isn’t it. Now as selfish as this my sound *I* would be a lot happier doing things that directly impacted and improved other peoples lives, not just mine.

Right now my stresses are many, I don’t altogether enjoy my job, I have loans which I just want to pay off, I’m not getting enough exercise because I never have enough energy thanks to my work, I’m giving up smoking which is hard but I’m getting there and of course the ordeal that has recently occurred that I have partly focused on here.

I don’t really know what more to say because I’m tired as all Hell but I would like to leave you with a few things to reflect on:

Are you unhappy where you are now?
Is your job causing you too much stress?
Is there any place you would like to take your life?
Are you having difficulties relating to people?
Is there something I don’t like about myself?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions ask yourself how to I reverse that or how to achieve what I want to achieve, its really easy if you think clear headed and make sure the motivation behind your goal is pure.

Also for those spiritual nuts out there reflect on how fulfilling the following may be:
1. I vow to rescue the boundless living beings from suffering;
2. I vow to put an end to the infinite afflictions of living beings;

For those love nuts out there curse by what may be Karma from the times we have broken others hearts as hard as this may be reflect on:

Do we need a partner in our life to be fulfilled?
Is the Pain worth it?
What are our alternatives?
(For me the answers are yes, yes, I will cover this if I ever get hurt so much the first two answers change)

Anyway that is me for this post on reflection, I hope it wasn’t to muddled as you may of notices I’m feeling quite reflective myself as well as confused and slightly lost, even empty.