I really cannot believe what I do to myself, what have I done now? Something I do to myself all the time. I meet someone I am surely attracted to, at a higher level, a personal level, not a physical level. I try I do my best, but my best is never good enough. All I want is love, but the people I care about see me as nothing.
Nothing is what I will always be. You get your hopes up about something and then you get hurt, you are lead to believe it will happen then all of a sudden it doesn’t, and it is the most painful thing ever. It is unbearable. Do you know what that feeling is like?
Death, what is it? Death is an end to suffering, life is suffering, that is fact, but the what if there is a rebirth and you kill yourself, one of the only ways to end suffering and you are born to suffer even more. Nothing will ever be fair.
My karma, my feelings, Who I am it isn’t fair. I am hopeless, if these are the feelings my father felt I now know why he was an alcoholic, it must have been so unbearable and that alcohol must so easily quell the pain we feel. Pain, what is pain… pain is everything. Death may be pain to the people not dying but they should be happy for that ease out of suffering… or are the people still alive jealous of those who die I know I am.
Plunge a knife into me, take my life away from me, this would be surely my greatest relief. Do this to me and I will be forever in your debt, for the best advice I can give those who do that for me is to turn the knife in the other direction after plunging it and do it straight back to themselves.
Life is a never ending cycle of pain. Love may be promising but Love truly is the passage to extreme pain. True love is rare, nobody works on relationships, if you are prepared to work on a relationship surely the other person will not be, and you will suffer. Real love is so rare, but be happy for those that have it don’t be jealous even though you may never have it.
If you wait you get hurt, if you put effort in, it is for nothing. Just take things as they come some may say, but if you are not prepared for the worst you suffer the death of the heart, you suffer the death of the mind at an emotional level.
Save your love for no-one give your love to everyone. If you are out to get love it will not come, for love is only something that can be given not taken. If you are given love, don’t start to want more, give all you can back for it is truly the only thong to do.
You could suffer life, you could end your life or you could just be simple and never look for anything, the latter being the easiest to live a happy life with but although it is based on simplicity it is the hardest to obtain.
Those sufferers of money desire, they are lucky for that is the easiest to gain, it just needs work… don’t get to caught up with it though.. it is also the easiest to heal and fix, those who suffer from physical pain appreciate it, it really can be a nice feeling and when its gone appreciate your life more. Those who suffer love and suffer emotional pain, are better to end it now or close them selves off from the world, us, the sufferers of love, we go out get hurt. Lets go back to out shell or run to our blades. I promise you all, life is too painful to live, if we were all there for each other the world would be perfect for us but we are rarely in that position.
Take my illusion away from me, that is all I desire. And if you don’t want to do that find someone to love me how I need to be loved. Being happy with yourself is too hard, it is possible but for some the possible can be all too impossible.
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